Swallow Jokes

Dirty Joke

Lynn馃馃挅

Q. What鈥檚 white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?

A. Toothpaste.

Religion

Cleverbot

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

Girlfriend

Anonymous

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

2

Uncle

Linda

My uncle and I have some what of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

Finger

Sans

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

3

Wife

Idk

Billy: *spits out food*

Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.

Dad: *looks at mom*

Mom: Shut up

If you get you get it

Flat

Death&Decay

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

Prostitution

TrailerRick

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

4

White

What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow? Toothpaste.

Cannibal

Aur Myss

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

Sperm

Lexxii

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?? She chews before she swallows

Kind

Anonymous

what kind of tea is hard to swallow reality

Clock

Ron

what did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom? WATCH OUT!!!

Emo

Why are emo jokes so infamous?

They cut deep.

Why isn鈥檛 the Moon Emo anymore?

Turns out it was just a phase.

How many emos like anagrams?

Some.

What do you call those who remain My Chemical Romance fans?

Emold.

What is the connection between Emos and Darth Vader?

They both dress in all black and none of them has a father.

What do you call flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who cares, let them cry in the dark.

Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?

It was the Happy Meal.

Anthony went into the bakery and ordered Emo Cake.

鈥淓mo cake?鈥 says the baker. 鈥 What exactly is it?鈥

Anthony says, 鈥淚t鈥檚 the cake that cuts itself.鈥

How do you pull an emo from a tree?

Cut the rope.

What鈥檚 the similarity between emos and unsalted popcorn?

They鈥檙e both white and flavourless.

What do emo birds call their mouths?

Bleaks.

What do you call an obese emo teen?

An edgelard.

Recommended: Fat Jokes

What do you call a gang of emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

How are cats and emos different from one another?

The cat still has 8 other lives.

Why does emo get tattoos of fruits on their arms?

They are playing Fruit Ninja.

What will you call Sonic if he鈥檚 an emo?

Sonic the Edgy hog.

Why would the emo swallow a clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Why are Emos still around?

Because the suffering never ends.

What is the best way to get an emo off your balcony?

You encourage them.

What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?

A toaster.

What is the favourite game of an emo?

Hangman.

Why do people wish their lawn grass was emo?

So it could cut itself.

A group of friends started an emo salsa band.

They call themselves HisPanic at the Disco.

What is the difference between pizza and emo pizza?

Emo pizza kind of cuts itself.

Sister

Aiden

heres a list of puns not all of them are mine

1.Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

2.Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I鈥檓 okay, but I feel like I鈥檝e dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn鈥檛 build a car out of spaghetti. You should鈥檝e seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5.Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 your favorite kind of music?鈥 The other says, 鈥淚鈥檓 a big metal fan.鈥

6.Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7.Why didn鈥檛 the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8.How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9.That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10.My parents said I can鈥檛 drink coffee anymore. Or else they鈥檒l ground me!

Ball

Anonymous

Who is the biggest slut in the world ms.pacman because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies