Accident jokes
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.
Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.
What did you call a school that got blown up?
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
What did Kobe say to the helicopter?
"Don't crash!"
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
My brother was stuck in a wheelchair after a motorbike accident. He became a swimming champion until I took the VR headset off.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).
All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.
Yo mama so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.
Even Bob Ross couldn’t paint a happy little accident like BLESSEDBRIAN.
What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?
Goddammit, Jamal!
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
My father can take a joke because he made one.
Why did James fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?
I had the best butterfingers yesterday.
I dropped it.
My Butterfingers slipped.