What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs, ha ha!
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Was he under insurance claim?
I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
Poopies in my undies.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember there are no speed bumps..... I hit bambie
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
(Titanic ll) yeah boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :) (iceberg) ok at least there isn't 99 more titanics (99 more titanics pop up) yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy:) (iceberg) :(
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
