Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
Accident Jokes
Bin Laden's relatives were killed in a plane crash, lol.
Why did the little boy get hit by a car?
Answer: Because Sally was driving!
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
Random Kid: Aye man where was Kobe flying to?
Launch Site: Umm, he might have gone too close to here, sorry if he might have crashed...
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.
A book just fell on my head. I’ve got only my shelf to blame!
Why did AlexDaEgg fall down the stairs? Because he is fat.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Cause he would never look both ways.
Q: When does a pentagon have four sides?
A: When it's intersected by a plane!
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.
True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.
