Accident jokes

Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!

My dog got stuck in my ass, help!

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

What's the definition of disappointment?

Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.

Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.

Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?

Answer: The tree.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.