Accident jokes

I hit my friend.

He's dead now.

A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?

Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.

How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?

Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.

How did she survive?

Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.

I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.

Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.

A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...

Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”

I would tell a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

Yo mama so fat!

She sunk the Titanic. She put on a blue coat and they thought she was an iceberg!

What is big, yellow, and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

How did Sally die?

She got shot.

This is Sally.

Sally says hi.

This is Sally when a car comes by. 🤕

How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.

Why did the blind man fall down a well?

Because he couldn’t see that well.

A ball hit me in the vagina.

U were accidental.

What happened to Peter Pan when he jumped off the Twin Towers?

He Neverland.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?

A. His mom threw an oven at him.

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!