Accident jokes
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.
Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.
Why did the golfer change his pants? In case he got a hole in one!
Sally fell off the swing.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.
I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
I killed a man in '94.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.
They never land well.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch!
Two planes crashed into two separate towers.
Now two towers crash into two separate planes.