Accident jokes

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

He got a paper cut and bled out.

What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!

There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

You were born on the freeway, you know why?

Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈

A man walks into a bar.

Ouch!

Two planes crashed into two separate towers.

Now two towers crash into two separate planes.

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

Your family in a nutshell.

Imagine being named Colby and you burn yourself.

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.

There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.

They never land well.

I killed a man in '94.