Accident jokes

A man walks into a bar.

Ouch!

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Why did the student at Blacktown Girls cross the road? To go to heaven. HAHAHA

Q: Why was the pilot sad?

A: 'Cause he was bad at playing Jenga. 💀

He got a paper cut and bled out.

What did you call a school that got blown up?

Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"

Shooter: "Oops."

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?

Sally fell off the swing.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Not Sally.

Why did the golfer change his pants? In case he got a hole in one!

I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.

Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.

I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.

Your family in a nutshell.

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.