Accident jokes

My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.

Your momma is so fat that when she egged the Twin Towers, she threw a airplane on accident.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?

To the I.C.U.

Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"

I left my boots on in the river, and I drowned.

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

Why did the Titanic sink?

Because the people aboard are stupid.

Bin Laden's relatives were killed in a plane crash, lol.

Q: When does a pentagon have four sides?

A: When it's intersected by a plane!

When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot Wheels.

Damn, that beat dropped harder than my grandma falling down the stairs.

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"

What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?

They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.

You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.

Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?

Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!