Accident jokes

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.

Little Mickel was on a tree.

He fell down and hurt his knee.

He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

"What did we hit?"

"I don't know, a rock."

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

Why do the brakes keep squealing?

Because the driver hit it too hard.

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.

Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.

What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?

We were both caused by broken rubber.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

Why can't antelopes get married?

Because they can't elope.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.