Accident jokes
I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
"What did we hit?"
"I don't know, a rock."
Memes
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?
Everywhere.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He got hit!
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.