What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on!
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
What do you call a bald person on fire?
A fried egg.
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
