Accident jokes
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
Memes
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?
Everywhere.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He got hit!
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.