Accident jokes
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
Why did the plane go to KFC?
To lose its wings and crash!
What did the Titanic say as it sank?
I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.
I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.