Accident jokes

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

What do you call plane crash victims?

Down to earth people.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.

I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.

What did one twin say to the other?

"Watch out for the plane!"

What did the Titanic say as it sank?

I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.

Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.

Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!

Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

He got hit!

Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?

Everywhere.