Accident jokes
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Bro looks like his mom dropped him when he was a new born
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.
Me: "Are you ok sir?"
Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."
Me: "Well, which one are ya?"
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
Pooooooooooop!
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
Why did the boy get run over?
Sally was driving.