Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldnāt really land well.
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
Who crashed the plane?
1. Abu Faram? - terrorist
2. The little kid Joseph?
3. The passed out pilot?
Or Jamal?
So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobeās helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldnāt figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying āIād rather die than pass it!ā
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
