Accident jokes

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.

Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.

Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?

Everywhere.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"

I drew a picture of Colby.

Too bad it got ripped up 😢

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".

The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Kobe Bryant survived the plane crash.

When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.

What do gum and guns have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.