Accident jokes

Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.

Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?

He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair, so we are playing Rocket League.

Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.

"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!

L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.

My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.

Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.

I'm going to hell!

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

I drew a picture of Colby.

Too bad it got ripped up 😢

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"

Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".

The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.