Accident jokes

What is black and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking's after a fire.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair, so we are playing Rocket League.

"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!

L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.

Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.

I'm going to hell!

Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.

My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.

Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?

Everywhere.

I drew a picture of Colby.

Too bad it got ripped up 😢

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"