12 jokes
There was a guy I knew who owned a foot-high piano player.
He had found a magic lamp and rubbed it. The genie popped out and gave him one wish.
The guy thinks the genie was a bit deaf, as all he got was a 12" pianist.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
Water, tastes that one tap in school:
A tier water at 3 am.
S tier.
12 pm water f tier.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
Yo mama so fat that she needs 12 queen size mattresses to go to sleep.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”
The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”