Count jokes

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

Why was Hitler bad at math?

He could only count to nein.

I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Bf: What do you think about our love?

Gf: Count the stars in the sky.

Bf: Aww, it's infinity.

Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.

Girl: How much do you love me?

Me: Count the stars in the sky.

Girl: Aww, it's infinite!

Me: No, just a waste of time.

What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?

The thot that counts.

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."

"Wait, wha..."

"What?"

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.

If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?

You use your legs as support, you count on your fingers.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!