Count jokes

Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?

Because it couldn't count the bars!

Why was the rapper so good at math?

Because he could always count his bars.

Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.

If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.

I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.

And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.

Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.

I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.

I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

I am counting my fingers and get nine. Why?

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

Why was Hitler bad at math?

He could only count to nein.

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

How do Mexicans begin counting?

Juan, Two, Three.

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.