Count Jokes



You was sleeping it didn't count - chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))


in Adult

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”


in Step

10 Fun Facts 1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 6. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 8. You skipped number 5. 9. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)



Why was Hitler bad at math?

He could only count to nein.




Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."



I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.



Wayne Couzens the police officer who killed Sarah Everard , has been complaining about receiving a whole life Tariff for her murder ...

I think he should count his blessings , he could of had it worse ...

He could of married her !

im with stupid

in Yo mama

yo mama so fate she dosen't count as 1 person bro she counts as 40 people


What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”



A girl in my class started barking and I yelled out "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her and I felt bad after school I asked to drive her home and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one I yelled " THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car



If an emo counts down don't worry they probably have only one bullet.



Why do people misplace the 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.

big papi

in Yo mama

yo mama so fat when she farts its counted as a new gas element



True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out. "He doesn't love me anymore!!" The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because ,most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis' the officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.


GF: What do you think of our love?

BF: Count the stars in the sky.

GF: Aww... It's infinity!

BF: Nope. It's just a waste of time.


in Emo

just a pickup line

ayo bbg r u maria? cuz u can sure as hell count ME in