Count jokes

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

10 Fun Facts.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)

I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.

Your hairline is so big, it counts as its own planet.

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

Your Roblox friend counts to 10, but she doesn't count to "too." Then Roblox says: "Damn. Your Roblox friend can't count."

There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.

Why was Hitler bad at math? He could only count to nein.

Akbar: How many crows are there, Birbal?

Birbal: 8,971.

Akbar: What if there are fewer?

Birbal: Then some crows went on vacation to visit their relatives.

Akbar: What if there are more?

Birbal: Then some came on vacation here to visit their relatives.

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

How many fat people are in my house?

20, counting the kids in the basement.

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

There are three types of people in the world:

Those who can count and those who can’t.

I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.

I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.

Yo mama's so fat, when she went on the scale it said, "Still counting."