Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. “1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10.”

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while I masturbate…

There was a mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three. 1-2-… and he left without a trace.

I can count the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand. – It’s seven.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he’d had. He started counting but fell asleep.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did they would always be falling asleep.

I’ve got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them

How do you count cows? – With a cowculator.

Why was Hitler bad at math?

He could only count to nein.

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘uno, dos…’ and poof. He disappears without a tres."

A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three he said uno dos and disappeared without a tres

Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. “dos, 1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10.”

I wa finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve. Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue asks, “Hey, what’s your body count?”

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, “I’m talking about sex.”

The man then turns back and mumbles, “Oh… I thought you saw inside the basement…”

“Wait, wha…”

“What?”

I woke up one night to a strange noise and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents room. I looked inside and counted, ok one two three finger men and my mom so nothing out of the ordinary so then I checked my sisters room. And I counted 4 other women in the room but then I realized that he sound was coming from right in front of me it was my dad giving me a bj the whole time.

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