You jokes
What do you call a person who measures air? Airometer.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
What do you call a man with farts?
DEEZ NUTS!
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.
Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?
Me: The boomerang came back.
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
When you fail art school.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
What do you call a dog in China?
E10
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"
The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!
If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
Happiness belonged to you, then gave you depression.
What happens when you cross a cow and a redneck?
The redneck fucks the cow.