You jokes
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?
Mario Kart.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
I'd rather kiss a cactus than kiss you. Wanna know why?
Because at least I'd feel something with the cactus than I ever could with you.
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?
B minor.
Pewdiepie: I am the best YouTuber ever!
T-Series: Go away you f***!
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
Can you believe they're still together after everything they've been through?
Who you might ask...
YOUR ASS CHEEKS!
Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
Your forehead is so big when you walk by I can't see what's in front of me.
What do you call a banana that can dance?
CHUPAPIMUNYANYO BUISNESS [sic]
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.