You jokes
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
You. Me. Gas Station.
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!