You jokes

To All The Naruto Fans:

Sharingan is red, Rasengans are blue, If you dare touch my daughter, I'll Chidori you!

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

Bro, if you have anorexia, you have no skin at all.

What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

What do you call a rapper who LOVES gardening?

MC Planter.

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls?

Still no fucking idea.

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

Man: I must confess, Father.

Priest: What are you here to confess?

Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.

Priest: And what happened to your son?

Man: He said a man raped him.

Priest: When and where did this happen?

Man: A local church. I don't know which one.

Priest: ...By whom?

Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.

Priest: ...Shit

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.

If you believe in Allah, you will go straight to heaven, Mashallah! 😍

You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.

But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.

What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.