You jokes
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress up as the altar boy.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
Memes
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
What do you call a lesbian? Me.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.