You jokes

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

Did you hear about that new emo pizza? It cuts itself!

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,

Try salad 🥗.

I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"

"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?

Because I know they haven't.

What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?

Bubble 07.

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."

What do you call a flat-chested depressed person?

A cutting board.

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.

Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln

When you look in the mirror, the mirror cracks.

What do you call dead?

(Not Michael Jackson)

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You are so ugly, Do not tell me that is really you.