You jokes
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
What do you call something that has 50 legs but can't walk? 25 disabled people!
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
What do you call a stoned Mexican?
Baked bean.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground meat.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
What do you call a crippled man? Alex keating hahahahahahahahahahahh!
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.
Teacher: Why are you late!
Girl: I need my beauty sleep.
Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
If you have a teacher who is a Karen, comment what the worst thing that they did to you or your entire class. I know this isn’t a joke, but why not?
What do you call a cat that walks slowly?
CATerpillar
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...