You jokes
Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.
What do you call a burning orphan in a wheelchair? Hot Wheels.
What hit the ground first, the orphan or the apple? The apple. The orphan never hit the ground.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
When Chuck Norris was asked, "Do you know the way?" he replied, "I am the way!"
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
I would curse at you, but my country praises cows.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
Chuck Norris is...
What? You don't need to know what he is. He's just, Chuck.
Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.
Roses are red, the grass is greener,
Every time I think of you, I play with my weenie.