You jokes
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
I love you all the way to Uranus! 🤣
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
*Side eye*
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
What do you call a stoned Mexican?
Baked bean.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground meat.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Q: What do you call a gang of emos?
A: Suicide Squad.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
What do you call a dwarf skating on ice?
A midget spinner.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!
What do you call a three humped camel?
Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?
1. Listening to your teacher.
2. Not having your phone/game/TV.
3. Not having nicotine.