You jokes
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
What do you call dogs dressed as dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark!
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go!
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh!
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you, that is who.
What do you call a band made of cheese?
Grate That!
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.