You jokes
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.
What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
Memes
POV: You call the group of emos the "Suicide Squad."
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
What do you call an orphan home alone?
A family reunion.
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.
You: Find a time clock that can change time.
Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?
You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
What do you say to make a redhead mad?
Anything.
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!