You jokes

Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐

Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.

Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??

Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋

When you get caught about to shoot up the school,

*slowly puts AR to chin*

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?

I mean, the one I fucked died.

What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

How do you make an Indian explode?

You press the red dot.

How do you make epileptic kids dance?

Throw a flash bang in their room.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."

What's the difference between a baby and a brick?

A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.

To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?

W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

*Later that day*

W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?

H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?

A baby with flat armbands!

You know I'm not too into black girls, but Kobe's daughter was smoking!