You jokes

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.

Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

POV: You call the group of emos the "Suicide Squad."

Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?

Just tell them that it floats.

What do you say to make a redhead mad?

Anything.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?

Frostbite!

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

What do you call an egg murder?

An eggs-terminator!

Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?

Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.

Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.

What do you call a black person with a pride flag? A Cosmic Brownie.