Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
You Jokes
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Q: What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
A: Alien vs. Predator.
What do you call meat in an oven?
Africa.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
