You jokes

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Would you like to try African food?

They would too.

What do you call a winter time contact?

A Santa Claus.

What did the Roman say to the gladiator?

See you later, gladiator.

Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?

A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).

What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

Are you the voices I've been hearing?

Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)

Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.

POV: You call the group of emos the "Suicide Squad."

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

What do you call an orphan home alone?

A family reunion.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.