Year jokes

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."

A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.

Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"

Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.

RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)

Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......

When was the first Black Friday?

1619.

A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”

The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.

Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"

Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."

Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"

What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest's basement.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

Why are Egyptian gods orphans?

Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.

I like my women how I like my wine.

14 years aged and locked in a cellar.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago, but she didn't tell me what it was... Anyways, I'm turning 14 next month.

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.

We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.