Year jokes

A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?

A: He was in a mid-life crisis.

What do you call a 17-year-old orphan?

Homeless.

You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?

Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

DARK ALERT********

A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.

DARK ALERT********

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.

I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.

Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!

Ever seen twins?

If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?

Can we go back to 2001?

I bet it was more fun back then.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!

Jo Mama is so fat, I left her printing last year, and she is still printing!