My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!
I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
Can we go back to 2001?
I bet it was more fun back then.
Ever seen twins?
If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
10 years ago my dad said i should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... i still eat cereal with water sadly
Boy: will u remember me in a minute? Mom: yes Boy: will u remember me in day? Mom:yes Boy: willu remember me in a year? Mom: yes Boy: knock knock Mom: who's there Boy:bitch, u forgot me
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag
Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.
Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
