Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
What are the three worst years of a black child's life?
First grade!
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
What do you call a 17-year-old orphan?
Homeless.
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.
Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
