I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
This is two heads.
Deaf. "Deep water." ""
- "78 years."
Are you interested again? ""
"If you go ... you are there."
"No. 85 is good."
What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
were gonna have to kill
no good jack and jill
they’re draining the economy doooown!
they’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill jack’s seed
they’ve ruined our wonderful town!
were gonna have to kill
nno good jack and jill
they have no moralityyyy
they’re spreading degeneracy
we aint what we used to be
we’ve got to kill ol no good jack and jill!
jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana
they went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers
next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years
we’re gonna have to kill
nno good jack and jill!
they’ve banked off buying boooze!
they’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice
corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
we’re gonna have to kill
nno good jack and jill
their kids’re in the business tooo!
they’re draining all our banks
give em well deserved spanks
we’ve got to kill ol no good jack and jill
jack and jill netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaaake
what a blunder, there was no rubber, now
they’re a house of eeiiight
a bolt went off, they opened shop
to resell their porn and lean
it all went swell, but for us, well
we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL JACK AND JILL!
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
Why I can’t be skinny? i hurt myself for fatting.-jenny
hello please i want gaain wait-jenny year later
What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans person? About 3 years
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020? Because they had a fight and 2021.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
Whats the difference between a priest and MCDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted Nothing much I just decided to go home
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
