Year

Year jokes

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Girl

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

Bear

So if you say a bear shoots children, and Leah likes Mason Boswells, and I go to Benjamin Adlard year 6.

Chance

Everyone thought I'd have a great year...

14 years just gave me more chances.

Dad

Your dad left you because he went for milk.

*1,000,000 years later*

Her: Dad come back!

Him: FBI open up!

Milk

Dad: Son, I came back.

Son: Where is the milk?

Dad: Time for another 10 years.

Memes

Year memes

Van

I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.

Pedophile

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Therapy

Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find

Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.

Trauma

All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.

Mosquito

If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

Orphan

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.

Virus

One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."

A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"

Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."

Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"

Coffee

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Printer

I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.

Surgery

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.