Year jokes
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
Why did Chad date the 9 yr old?
Because Stellas hot.
History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."
Student: "I need that."
Dad: "I'll be back in a minute."
20 years later
Orphan: "Dad?"
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."
A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"
Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."
Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"
How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.
Joe mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it’s still printing!
At 5 years old, I already knew how to throw paper airplanes thanks to my Arabian relatives!
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.