Year jokes

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

What's an emo's favorite time of year?

Fall.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.

I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.

Year 10 English.

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle.

What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?

The letter M.

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans person?

About 3 years.

When did Michael say, "This is it"?

2009.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.

Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.

"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.

And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."

To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."

To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"

Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.

“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"

“Yes," replied Hodja.

“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.

Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.

The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.

“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"

“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."