Year jokes

A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...

All of the bristles fell out!

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

Your forehead is so big, it takes the sun a year to shine on every part of it.

Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."

(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?

No?

Well neither did she.

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

Any 8 year old: Sus!

Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!

What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?

Father's Day.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

Year 10 English.

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle.

What is the shortest month of the year?

May, it only has 3 letters!