Year jokes

What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.

What do 7 year old girls want?

To be ate!

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?

Father's Day.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

What is the shortest month of the year?

May, it only has 3 letters!

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight, and 2021.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”