Year jokes

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight, and 2021.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans person?

About 3 years.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.

What's an emo's favorite time of year?

Fall.

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.

For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.

"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

What do 7 year old girls want?

To be ate!

POV: You are 7 years old and you find a stick. SWORD.

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.