Year jokes
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.
Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.
If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids 😂
80s (DYM 84)
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.
What is a redneck virgin?
A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.
I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.
I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.
But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.
So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.