Writing jokes
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?
Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.
I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.
When I got to school, I was speechless.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
My initials are K.M.C.
Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
Your hairline is so far back, I wrote a summary about it.
What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty?
Answer: A chalkboard.
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.
I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)