Writing jokes

I have 25 friends from the alphabet, but don't ask me why.

I went shopping, and then to the hospital, and then to bed, and then I promised to only say "and" once in a sentence.

What is heavy forward but not backward?

The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.

How to write a joke?

Why don't rappers ever get LOST?

Because they always find their way with their GPS (Great Poetic Skills).

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.

But no pun in ten did.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

Um... (no idea what joke I should tell).

Why can't blondes write comments on the jokes on this site?

Because they don't know what 2 X 4 is.

Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.

Chapter 1. "Kid teacher"

Mrs. Lewis: Class, I want everyone to look at their textbooks and find a reasonable essay topic. My suggestion is page 232 or 678. Now, this essay counts as the final grade for the semester. Now do it, or you will repeat 5th grade again! Now turn to page 100, and we'll start reading from there. Do you all understand?

Neilela: Yes ma'am, quick question, we don't have to do it today... do we?

Mrs. Lewis: Yes! It is today!

Andrua: It sounds boring, and all I have to do today is be a big jerk who gives way too much instruction.

Mrs. Lewis: Anyway, let's get to work.

56 hours later.

Mrs. Lewis: Kids, when I call you, please tell me what you liked about your essay. When I call your name, Carl.

Carl: Why me? Yes?

Mrs. Lewis: What did you like about the story, Carl?

Carl: Um... I liked it when... um... um... um... um...

Jeklen: He didn't even read the story because he's too busy trying to look up the letter "J" and its meaning!

Carl: Jeklen, shut up and stop biting your hair.

Jeklen: At least I know what the letter "J" is.

Mrs. Lewis: Class, please listen. Carl, did you read the story that I asked you?

Carl: Well, not really because you were the one reading it in class, so...

Vronica: For real!

Carl: Mhmmm

Mrs. Lewis: Listen class, this homework needs to be done today! DO IT!

Kimbriel: Ms. Lewis, I have a lot of questions about tonight's homework.

Mrs. Lewis: Yes?

Kimbriel: You assigned so many things just for a little test! What?

Mrs. Lewis: I need a break! Peyton, you're in charge!

All students: NO, NOT PEYTON !!!!!!

Peyton: Me? In charge? Of the class?

Jessica: Wow, but you're all about the boredom!

Peyton: Shut up! yeeeeeeee

Peyton: Ms. Lewis, there must be a mistake, how can I be in charge? I'm 11... I think...

Ari: To think that yesterday she thought she was 8 years old.

Oh sorry... I think.

Mrs. Lewis: Have you ever heard of a teacher's vacation?

All students: That's not a thing!

I never heard of it...

Mrs. Lewis: Well, me and Ms. Sumrall, we are going on a "teacher vacation", we can do it because we become calmer, or we don't get angry at the students. AND WE CAN DO IT!

Khloe: Why?

Mrs. Lewis: Because I am an adult.

Ms. Sumrall: Is Petrina ready?

Ms. Lewis: Yes, thank goodness for this!

Kenya: Bye? "Chapter 2" To be continued...

My name is Mike Oxmaul, and my friend's name is Hugh Janus!

Two sentence horror stories go.

What do you call a piece of paper? A piece of paper.

People who don't have common sense are just stupid people with ugly hearts. STOP HATING PEOPLE YOU NEVER KNOW! Also write "then exit the f word site," and I think we know that won't happen!!!

I L.O.V.E GWEN!!!!!!

I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.

Why?

I don’t have a clue.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil? That's okay. There is really no point to it.

Why did the rapper carry a notebook everywhere?

To jot down his RAP-SODIES.