Shakespeare jokes

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?

Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?

What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?

"To be and not to be."

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

"Hamlet deez nuts go into your mouth??" 😂😂😂😂😂

What is cats and dogs' favorite story and movie?

"Romeow and Drooliet!"

What did a bee who was interested in philosophy say?

"To bee or not to bee."

The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."

What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?

“To be or nut to be.”

What do you call a javelin thrower with Parkinson’s?

Shakespeare.

The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”

Why can’t he just speak plain English?

Julius Caesar (salad) made easy.

Why can't the USA and England play chess?

USA has no towers and England has no queen.

Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?

The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.