Writing jokes
Female Rights?
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?
Because he didn't have a pen to write with.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
What kind of Panera Bread do pencils use?
Panera Lead.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
Some people decide to start a blog.
Others decide to start a blog.
You know what my sink started?
A clog.
Ok, here's a story about the church.
There were two parents, then they had a baby. Then they go to the church and the baby was getting a cross on his forehead. Guess he was big headed. Sorry if this offends anyone or makes this joke bad since I keep writing this.
"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.
Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."
Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."
dsfjlkfsdajlk;adsf;lkjfsdlkjfdslkjfdsjlkfsdk;ljsgd;klsdafl;kjsadg.
Yo momma so stupid, she wrote this joke!
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
Why don't rappers ever get LOST?
Because they always find their way with their GPS (Great Poetic Skills).
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.