Writing jokes

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

How are orphans like broken pencils?

Neither of them have points.

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.

No joke!

I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.

But no pun in ten did.

Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?

She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!

I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...

But it’s quite pointless.

I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.

I'm a big fan of white boards; they're remarkable.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

I know, I'm going to hell!

So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.

Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.

Salman Rushdie got a new book out.

It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."

What do you call a Mexican midget?

A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

I don't know what to write here, just like...

Hey, y'all, I just wanna say thanks to Gwen on here. She writes jokes, and she got me through a lot xx.

My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

Why did Sally fail her final exam?

Because she had nothing written down.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.