Writing jokes

I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.

Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?

Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”

“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.

What do you call a pen with no head?

DeCAPitated.

Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

Wanna hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?

Because I am a bully!

I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.

It's just too tear-able.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

What was the ballpoint's favorite sport? Pen-nis.

Hello Watersharky, I am Koge.

I see your songs and want to be your agent. Please write back about this offer. Thank you.

Umm, what joke should I make?

Is "buttcheek" one word, or should I spread them?

Been learning Chinese...

69 is too-can-chew.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.