Writing jokes

I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

Here are some rules to make a good joke:

1: Don't say “my life.”

2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).

I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.

What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.

All these jokes are pen-ful to read.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.

Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.

What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?

Be there or B2.

I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.

I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

Why did the pen stop writing?

'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.

What do you call a letter using the bathroom?

The P.

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!

What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!

I am only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.

I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.