Writing jokes

I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.

What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!

All these jokes are pen-ful to read.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.

I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.

Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?

Be there or B2.

Why did the pen stop writing?

'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.

I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

Here are some rules to make a good joke:

1: Don't say “my life.”

2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).

What do you call a letter using the bathroom?

The P.

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.

I am only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.