Wife jokes
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.
She is not “fun to be around.”
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]
My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.
I said, "Maybe."
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
After 6 months of lockdown,
I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.
Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.
Husband: The second we entered the beach,
Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.
My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!