Wife jokes
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.
She is not “fun to be around.”
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.
Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?
Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.
I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.
I turned gay because my wife is too poor.
Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.