Sniper jokes

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

Call of Duty kill cam be like.

This is the best kill streak ever!

What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?

Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.

"Whole November month, sniper lessons available in Dallas U.S.?"

A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.

He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!

Dad: Uh...

*hides his rifle*

How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?

They have a dot in the middle of the head.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

What can't a sniper say to his wife?

"I missed you."

I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.

What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.