The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
Who is Stephen Hawking's wife?
The American Siri.
i was digging in a garden once a found a chest full of gold i wanted to show my wife but then i thought why i was digging in the first place
What cigarettes Churchill's wife likes to smoke Blue Winston
I like my wife like I like my coffee. So sweet, it gives me headaches.
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife then you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there
Farmer's Wife: Honey where are the cow's?
Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.
Farmer's Wife: Why?
I don't know but the stakes have never been higher.
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?
Nothing... she couldn't tell.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Why did the Mexican man throw his wife out of the window...
Ta kill her.
My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.
I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
