I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy was my wife mad. She yelled “HOW CAN YOU F… OUR DAUGHTER?!”. Haha yeah she was mad. Anyways thats why your mother and I are getting a divorce Timmy.

Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?

Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife

I told my wife* she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised

*(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as an helix ruler)

I finally got my wife to shut up.Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years ha! try telling me to get my feet off the couch now karen!

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you haven’t told her for twice

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse but I beat her to it

how did stephen hwaking died his wife needed to charge her iphone

Q:what’s 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth A:her dead fetus

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf and he worked at a morgue. So one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse. He then came home, and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

Stephen Hawkins died because his wife misunderstood him when he said “My Windows Needs Updating” she had the double glazing removed and he fell out and died.

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it’s not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord

Guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud this is the pig I screw when your on the rag and is wife replies that’s not a pig its a sheep and he says I was talking to the sheep.

Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?

She lost her ass playing poker…

how did the guy greet his wife howdy sister

Stephen Hawkins and his wife Siri’s favourite place to eat is meals on wheels😂

so i was f...ing my daughter the other night and i dont know what was funnier the look on my wife’s face or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her

What is 6" long, bright red and your wife cries when you feed it to her?

Her miscarriage.