Wife Jokes

Doctor: you'll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage

So you start singing it’s the best day ever

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erect*on?” Wife: “ok... what is it?” Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now”.

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."

A man comes home and the wife says 'My ex just died by getting hit by a bus' and the husband said 'I lost my job as a bus driver'

My wife told me I could never ever build a car out of spaghetti , you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta

My wife told me to treat her like a princess so i got drunk and drove through the tunnel

My wife says s*x is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children. So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort"...

many years of sex in the dark. The wife find out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says "explain the dildo prick" the husband says "explain the children bitch"!

So I was digging up in the garden and I found some treasure I was gunna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school

So I had him bring my wife

“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.” “Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!” “No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”