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*a married woman gets hit by a truck and the cops tell her husband Cop: sir, it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck Man; I know but she has a great personality

Julius’s wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock the man who knife raped his wife.

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

these are all of my terrible jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I’ll serve you but don’t start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I’m joking of course" Dejamoo: the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor “I can’t feel my legs” the doctor said " I know, I AMPUTATED YOUR ARMS" I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says "dam" A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out of a "small medium at large" A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says "a beer please,and one for the road" Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent YO MAMA SO FAT THAT she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh A priest a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar, the cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens. What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, how far do you think I can kick this bucket A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a p.... A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart Why didn’t Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico What’s green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels WERE A LIE. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck Why couldn’t the dinosaur break the wall, I don’t know. I’m asking you Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker, she has dementia There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It’s an owl it can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to burry them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat though.”

Why did my wife leave me?

I wish I knew.

Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?

A prostitute, because your wife f...ing sucks.

who is steven hawkings wife ? the American siri

Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window? It reminded him of Arnold Clock the man convicted of knife raping his wife.

There was a dude. He had a mondo dong. His wife was like, yo, where are your balls? The dude says he left them in the fridge. His wife replies “i knew those meatballs tasted weird!”

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My wife went to make a cake the recipe said separate two eggs so she put one egg in the living room

Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.

My wife’s dyslexic, but hey, bonody’s prefect

A man broke into stevie wonders house and threatened to kill his wife

He just turned a blind eye

A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old

Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?

It reminded him of Richard clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife

What did Stephen Hawking’s wife say to him when he came home drunk?

Nothing… she couldn’t tell.