Wife jokes
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.
One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."
"How many men does your wife have?"
Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
JFK was so popular he was banged in front of his Wife.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.