The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says"I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?" Man,“Sorry i thought it was the start of Eastenders”
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordan Ramsey’s F-king cooking show! Husband:STOP WATCHING THAT F-KING SHIT!!! YOU CAN’T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! WIFE: SO WHAT??! YOU WATCH P... DON’T YOU!!!
Stephen Hawkins died because his wife misunderstood him when he said “My Windows Needs Updating” she had the double glazing removed and he fell out and died.
Guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud this is the pig I screw when your on the rag and is wife replies that’s not a pig its a sheep and he says I was talking to the sheep.