At the resturant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "Cuz she clearly has no taste." She responded.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
My wife accused me of being a cross dresser so i packed up her clothes and left
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell, she broke every bone in her body.
1 year later she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died
you
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off of her neck.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
If i send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? - she comes home with sparkles on her face
A wife was cleaning 12-year-old son’s bedroom When she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags, she asked her husband, “what do we do?” The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife? He wiped.
My wife cheated on me with my brother She didn't have a sister so I improvised and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come
like if you have a boyfriend girlfriend or husband or wife or a crush.
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf? When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice....
A wife says to her husband 'you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back' 'what do you expect' he says 'you're in a fucking wheelchair'
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends Chad just murdered his wife Claire and after doing that he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after My moms reply: Jesus Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess won’t he
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!
Hickory Dickory Dock My wife avoids my cock She's losing her and having an affair So I had to slap Chris Rock
