Wheres jokes

People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."

God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

Me: Wanna play 9/11?

Friend: What's that?

Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

KFC proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids. 😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer.

Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.

Orphan: They're dead.

Me: A promise made is a promise kept.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

It's no surprise Donald Trump moved to Florida. That's where the oranges are.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

Woman: "I want coffee, black."

Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"

Where did Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.

What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*

Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?

My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."

I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.