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Combination

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

  • 6
  • Jenga

    I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.

    Prostate exam

    I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

  • 7
  • Donald Trump

    Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?

    He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

    Dead Body

    Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

  • 3
  • Morgue

    Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"

    Doctor: "To the morgue."

    Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."

    Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."

  • 3
  • Virgin

    If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

    Future

    My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

  • 8
  • Sex

    A teacher asked her class “what is sex?”

    Little Johnny got up and said: “Sex is a *temptation* Caused by a *sensation* Where the boy sticks his *location* Into a girls *destination* To increase the *population* Of the next *generation* Did you get my *explanation*? Or do you need a *demonstration*?”

    The teacher faints.

    Costume party

    There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

    Roof

    Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"

    Trash

    My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."

    Explosion

    *Loud explosion inside the tank*

    "Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."

  • 1
  • Orphan

    Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."

    Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

  • 5
  • Julius Caesar

    You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

    You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

  • 5
  • Santa

    Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.