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A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, “for the France!” And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “long live the queen!” And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU F...ERS”

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?

Everywhere

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest…

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired)

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

Why are Americans bad chess players?

They lost two towers.

Why are Americans so bad at chess?

Because they already lost two towers.

What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?

  • Carlos.

My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12

why did Stephen hawking die? because he lost wifi connection

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

i just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher

Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day… only cause I wanted my first time to be special…

Q:What do you call a mexican that lost his car? A:Carlos

Why did Steven hawking die? He lost wifi connection and don’t get the data plan.

why is america bad at chess, we already lost two towers