Lost jokes
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!