Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?

Everywhere

Why do the japanese hate Christmas???

Becasue the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest…

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired)

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horse and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?

• Carlos.

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, “for the France!” And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “long live the queen!” And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS”

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.

I lost at Kahoot so I had to ka-shoot

Why are Americans bad chess players?

They lost two towers.

A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost calls for his mum then remembers

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, “her life.”

i just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher

You know a parana can devour a small child in 30 seconds Any way I lost my job at the aquarium today