A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, “for the France!” And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “long live the queen!” And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU F...ERS”

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?

Everywhere

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

Why are Americans bad chess players?

They lost two towers.

Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day… only cause I wanted my first time to be special…

why did Stephen hawking die? because he lost wifi connection

What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?

• Carlos.

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”

I used to be a banker…

but then I lost interest.

why is america bad at chess, we already lost two towers

Why did Steven hawking die? He lost wifi connection and don’t get the data plan.

Stephen Hawking died because he accidentaly lost his bluetooth connection

It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus

Why Did The Columbine High School Basketball Team Lose The Big Game? Because They Lost Their Two Best Shooters…

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where’s my tractor?