I can't find out where Stephen Hawkings is from, I just can't place his accent.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
Two Italian men get on a bus...
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute.
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office. The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
Scoucer at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer by what time is it mate? American replys thats a mad accent were are you from ? Scoucer says liverpool american oh what state is that in? Scoucer looks around and says about the same state as this mate but what time is it?
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closest. Being a Pedo. When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
how does an indian open his car
boot boot (in an indian accent)
*In thick Russian accent Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid urkrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die.
Dear Hearing People. We, deaf people, ainât dead. We can use our hands to talk, eat & fist your face to give you some đĄ awareness that we can understand you đŻ meanwhile we laugh at you đ€Ą We Can even dance via vibration through music. Do you know the song W lyric like this đ *white b.... accent: Ohhh.. MY God BECKY.. Lđk at her butt. IT is SO BIG. *BIG BEAT DROP* I...LIKE...BIG...BUTT...I cannot LIE đ» I promise we ainât ghosting around - Brittany Rose
Yo mamas teeth are so crooked they have a British accent.
What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems
(Said in a Scottish accent). Amaffmaheed
A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife .After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancherâs Living-room .There they were having a grand ole until the Rancherâs wife walks in .The Hunter looks at her and says âthatâs a nice piece of ass you got your self thereâ,The Rancher replied â(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke)Youâve never been so right in your life ,honey why donât show our guest your titsâ,.She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast.After he gets a good gander he says âNiceâ,then Rancher shouted âshow em yer peker now Honâ,.She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny ,and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his .Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out âWhat in Sam Hill is that!!â,and the Rancher replied âNow....Lemme tell you..There ainât a thing like itâ.
So a guy is taking a piss in a public bathroom. He looks over and sees a short guy with a very large green dick, who looks up at him and says âis there a problem boyoh?â. âIâm sorry, itâs just that thing is huge, and why the hell is it green?!â. The man replyâs âIâm a leprechaunâ. âReally?â says the man. âThatâs right. And Iâll grant you three wishes if you let me stick it in your pooperâ. âAnything I want?! 3 of them?â replyâs the man. âAnything in your wildest dreams boyoh, but you have to let me finishâ. The man bends over, and the leprechaun puts in in, thrusting back and forth he asks for the manâs first wish. âI want a giant yachtâ âAyeâ, says the leprechaun. âItâs pulling into your own private harbor nowâ. âFor my second wish I want a billion dollarsâ the man says, beginning to sweat. âAye, itâs stacked inside the yacht waiting for youâ the leprechaun replyâs. âOkayâ, the man groans in pain. âFor my final wish I want this yacht to be full of beautiful womenâ. âYou betcha boyohâ says the leprechaun. âThe girls are there waiting for you nooWWWâ as he lets out a moan of pleasure. The man exhausted and sore says âthat was rough, but worth it for those wishes. Where do I go?â
The little man with the giant green dick, pulling up his pants, his accent now gone says: âarenât you a little old to be believing in leprechauns?â.
I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt I saw a figure. I couldnât tell who it was but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said âIâm looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find themâ. We then decided to aid him
My willy was feeling itchy so I decided to go to the doctor. My doctor was foreign, and spoke Spanish with and Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU
