When jokes
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.
When you're at school and you have to wipe your ass, but it's only one ply...
Your finger breaks through... mmm, finger lickin' good.
Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.
How do you know an orphan is lying? When they swear on their mother's life.
My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
What to do when you're bored? Punch an orphan in the face. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."