When jokes
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!
Ready when you are, KK.
When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.
My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"
What do you say when the toilet is clogged?
Oh shit!
Why was the new gamer mad when they were playing Overwatch?
Because gamer girl WAS ALREADY TRACER.
I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.
The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.