When jokes
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
Yo mama so fat, when she went up the elevator, the World Trade Center collapsed.
I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
Memes
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."
What happens when you put a baby in a blender?
The baby is a cherry smoothie.
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"
Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?