When jokes

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?

Screamed till her hands fell off.

I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.

When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.

WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!

I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.

Yo mama so fat, when she went up the elevator, the World Trade Center collapsed.

What did the bull say when he went to college?

Bison!

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking you.

What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?

HO, HO, HO!

When do you go on red and stop at green?

A watermelon.

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?

Carlos.

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!