When jokes
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
What time is it when you walk home from school? Time to rest.
She’s so therapeutic.
When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
What time is it when you say "what?"
Time to start over!
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
What do Karens do when they have free time?
They do KARENoke and sing a Karen song.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!
Why was the new gamer mad when they were playing Overwatch?
Because gamer girl WAS ALREADY TRACER.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.