When jokes

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.

What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?

A puppy, you dirty monkey!

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?

When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! 💩

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.

What is the difference between onions and babies?

I cry when I cut onions.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

Your momma so fat when she jumped the world collapsed.

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

When you're at school and you have to wipe your ass, but it's only one ply...

Your finger breaks through... mmm, finger lickin' good.

You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.

I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,

and then you remember you’re French.

What do you get when you gobble down sweets?

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Dam.

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles at traffic, it slows down.

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.