Whats jokes

What is the richest planet?

Saturn 🪐- It has many rings.

A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

Me: Want to play 911?

My little brother: What's that?

Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."

What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?

I can Nazi!

A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."

What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for?

campaign contribution to the Republican Party.

What's an emo's least favorite show?

Dr. Phil.

What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?

They both have barcodes.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They're under a buck.

Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?

A: My dad didn't beat cancer...

What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?

It left him hanging.

what's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop up an onion.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Suck dick.