Whats Jokes

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.

What do you call an ice skating dwarf?

A midget spinner.

What is the richest planet?

Saturn 🪐- It has many rings.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

What happened to my screen...

The image shows a blue computer screen with a simple face made of parentheses, dots, and an underscore. Below the face are the words "I don't know WHAT the fuck is going on." This is followed by "Good luck searching for it online though." and "Here's a useless number that Google has no results for. Try Bing."

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."

One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."

A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."