Whats jokes
American-accented, British pronunciation, what am I?
Either Canadian or European.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
They don’t hang themselves.
Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?
A: An Epstein pen.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
What's funny is that I am typing this in the middle of a document... WAIT JENGA!!!!!!!
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.
A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."
Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?
A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What's the difference between my father and acne?
Acne waited for me to be a teenager before coming on my face.
What's better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
What happens when a Jewish guy walks into a wall with a full erection?
He breaks his nose.
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.