Whats jokes
Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.
What did Osama get on his test when he was a kid? A 9/11.
What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.
Why aren't orphans good at poker?
Because they don't know what a "full home" is!
What's the best card in Clash Royale?
The Credit Card.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?
Twix.
What do you call two natives in a ditch?
A sleepover.
What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.
Q. What's Terri Schiavo's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
What's the difference between me and Spongebob?
Spongebob can actually get ripped.